“Instructions for living a life: Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.” ― Mary Oliver
Today marked the passage of yet another year, and as I said to my dear hubby this morning as we dressed for the day, “It is really hard to believe I’m 29.” Kidding! Actually, it went more like this, “I cannot believe I’m 37. Saying it out loud, it feels so… old.” I’m not one of those people whose age bothers them (obviously, since I just shared it here for all to see) but I will admit that with each year comes a distancing of my physical self from my psychological age. I feel like I’m eternally mentally stuck at 32-years-old. When I fill out forms, or I think about myself as an age, for some unknown reason my mind is prone to jump to 32, even though that number is a speck in my rear view mirror at this point.
Despite this dissonance, I found myself unusually giddy today, realizing I do celebrate my birthday – and not just because of the sweet treats that come with the territory. I celebrate all 37 years and the experiences, amazing and difficult alike, because I love my life, truly! Looking back on other birthdays there have often been unsettling things, whether it was being unsure in my 20’s if I’d ever find my soul mate (clearly I did!) or in my early 30’s lingering insecurity about my career and how I would manage it as a new mom (an evolving challenge, but one I feel I’m in control of now).
I can honestly say that right now, February 16, 2012, I am exactly where I want to be. Some might look at my unremarkable life and say only a bore would celebrate this mundane life, but I am loving (and loved by) the people who are most important to me, doing work that I find challenging and fun, wanting for nothing, and taking steps to develop myself in ways that help give my life purpose and bring me fulfillment. I’ve also realized that if things become NOT where I want to be, I am lucky enough and talented enough to change it, redirect it, make my own happiness if you will. My birthday wish is that I can continue to hold this attitude as the years fly by – and maybe instill it in a few others I encounter as well.